Holiday traditions tend to be steeped heavily in food. There’s Great-Grandma’s famous pie or Grandpa Joe’s green bean casserole. There are potluck gatherings and cookie exchanges and hors d’oeuvres and side dishes and desserts. There are dishes we don’t even like all that much, but we make them because it’s not [insert holiday here] without it.
It can be hard for any cook to keep up with the expectations and preferences involved in cooking for a gathering of family and/or friends. Now, add in dietary restrictions and you’ve got a whole new level of dread to juggle instead of festive holiday joy. Take a deep breath. Pour yourself a cup of coffee and settle in to read these tips.
Is the gang really attached to turkey basted in thick layers of butter, or is it just that we don’t know any other way? Do we embrace the almond slivers in the green bean casserole because we enjoy it or because of the nostalgia? Let’s be honest, some of the things that appear on our tables aren’t about the food itself, it’s about the memories we attach to the dish.
We might really enjoy the pillowy soft, homemade yeast rolls, but that doesn’t mean we won’t survive trading them in for a safer wheat-free variant if it means someone we love can fully participate in the meal. Having a tender roll to sop up excess gravy is the goal. Making it with an allergy-friendly twist isn’t really the game changer we sometimes fear it will be.
(Need a good wheat-free roll alternative? Try something like this sweet potato roll recipe from That Girl Cooks Healthy. The recipe calls for almond milk, but you can use a non-nut-based milk like oat or even coconut if you’re avoiding tree nuts.)
Like a lot of things in life, creating safe spaces for your allergic family member starts by identifying what’s needed and where compromise can be made. Review the allergy action plan your family’s allergist outlined and make a plan to manage the holidays based on their medical input vs emotion. There’s nothing wrong with prepping an entire allergen-free meal. It’s also okay to focus on keeping specific dishes free and clear while creating space for a few non-allergen-free dishes to take their place in the room.
Let’s be clear. If you decide that there’s too much risk of a well-meaning aunt triggering a contact response by kissing your child’s forehead after eating pecan-crusted sweet potato casserole, then it’s not at all unreasonable to request that the entire Thanksgiving table be void of tree nuts. If your teenager won’t be touching the broccoli with a 12-foot pole no matter how it’s prepped and has mastered the art of avoiding casual cross contact in public settings, can you let the cheese sauce slide if the dish is kept to a dedicated corner away from other dishes your kid will eat? There is not a right or wrong answer, by the way. There’s the answer that works for your family.
In most cases, the “must have” recipes at a traditional holiday gathering are rooted in memory and emotion. We may enjoy our stuffing the way grandma always made it. That doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy an egg-free version that is safe for everyone at the table. We aren’t intractable because this particular recipe is the most amazing thing we’ve ever eaten. We’re connected to it because wrapped around each bite is a memory of every other time we’ve savored it.
The memory isn’t really about raw ingredients. It’s about the way Grandma would let you stand on a stool at the counter and help her tear the bread into pieces. It’s about the way the house would smell of all the different savory bits and pieces used in prepping the meal. Whether that bread is a wheat-free option or the recipe substitutes some broth as a binder instead of egg doesn’t change the heart behind the experience of stuffing. What matters is still there even if the egg isn’t.
Across all cultures, food is often part of our traditions. We celebrate with special meals. We incorporate elements of food and drink into rituals. Food, however, is just one part of most of it. We can shake up what’s on the table, without losing the real value of the celebration. Create new traditions with your family that aren’t dependent on whether the recipe you use for a particular dish can be traced back through your ancestry.
A friendly (albeit competitive) game of tag football can easily become the star of your family reunion. Starting your Thanksgiving dinner with a moment for everyone to share something they’re grateful for can be tradition your meal is centered on instead of what ends up on your plates. Making handmade ornaments can replace the afternoon struggle of assembling a solid gingerbread house. Your traditions are yours; make them work for your family.
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